if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
