Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
