good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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