I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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