call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
