Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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