Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
