so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
