whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
