Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
