Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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