he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
