the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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