the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
