She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
