I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
