There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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