a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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