So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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