My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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