they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
