And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
