He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
