Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
