So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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