So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
