YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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