pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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