Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
