sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
