dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
This toilet bowl is my home.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
