So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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