I will die if light touches me.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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