Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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