can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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