Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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