ugly people sure do ruin things
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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