operation harelip BJ is a go
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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