I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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