Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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