Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
