I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
