thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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