YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I need moral support for this bender
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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