dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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