the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
