My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
