I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
