Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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