ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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