I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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