I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
