real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
